Of Stubbornness & Trust

Loneliness has hit me pretty hard this past week. In an effort to not become a blubbering idiot, I won’t get into the reasons why. I vaguely mention this not to invite inquiry or illicit pity or sympathy, but to give a bit of background for this post. 

Towards the end of the week, I became conscious of the fact that I had been trying to repress these feelings by concentrating on other things; each focused thought stuffing down my feelings, inch-by-inch, deeper inside my heavy heart. I refused to face the pain. This isn’t new. In fact, unfortunately it’s a bad habit of mine to bottle up my thoughts and feelings. What surprised me was that those things I was fixating on were all negative. Maybe its because I felt that sadness of negativity would be more comfortable next to sadness of loneliness rather than happy, positive thoughts. Turns out, it just makes it worse. 

This morning, while getting ready for church, I was listening to my “Christian Music” Pandora station. Every song that came on was about hope and trusting in God and his timing. A few times I angrily hit the “next” button. But it didn’t matter, every new song was positive in some way (I mean, it is Christian Radio), so I gave in and although annoyed, let the music play. Slowly, the Lord worked on my heart and by the time I was driving to Sacrament Meeting, all my hard work was undone, bubbled up to the surface. I didn’t know if I would make it through Sacrament, so I said a quick prayer and I was able to feel calm. 

Of course, being the Sunday before Thanksgiving, the topic for our speakers was “Gratitude.” I literally rolled my eyes at this announcement by the first speaker. At first I only half listened, slowly focusing a little more and more. But then, predictably, the rest hymn was “Count Your Blessings” and I rolled my eyes again (I’m so freaking stubborn) and didn’t really pay that much attention to the next speaker. In all honesty, I did feel better after church, but I was still feeling down and frustrated and my day at work was filled with drama, hurt feelings and stress.   

Tonight, when I got home, I logged onto Facebook to type up a post complaining about the “snow bird” traffic that made my work commute an extra five-ten minutes long. Luckily, I got sidetracked by my newsfeed and watched a video posted by Button Poetry of a writer performing an original poem. And just like that, I felt like God slapped me upside the head and knocked something into place. This poem is truthful, harsh, and exactly what I needed to hear. 

I am grateful my Savior didn’t give up on me today. Despite my stubbornness, He was determined to help soften my pain by opening my eyes to the truths dancing right in front of me. In hindsight I can see all the different ways He tried to reach me, but like a tantrum-throwing child, I wouldn’t hear Him. 

As an empath, I try to work hard to make sure others don’t have to feel the pains that I have gone through, or at least try to help them through it, because I know of or feel the pains/energy they are experiencing. Think of a time when you noticed someone going through something similar to what you have experienced in life. Didn’t you feel deeply for them because you know the experience intimately? Didn’t you want to run to them and hold them and help them through? 

I can’t even fathom how much more our Savior longs to run to us, bringing every aid and relief all the powers of heaven can muster. 

 “And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.” (Alma 7:11-12) 

My Savior knew how to succor me today. I still have those sad feelings and my heart is still heavy, but significantly less so, and I have a renewed determination to focus on the positives in life even, and most especially, when things are not going as I would wish. 

If you can get anything out of this post, I hope you have felt this truth: Christ will never cease to seek after us. He knows how to succor us each, individually, and in every possible way. 

Trust Him.

Below is the poem by Rudy Francisco entitled, “Complainers.” I highly recommend you listen to him perform the poem (click here); Rudy’s passion and cadence make the words even more powerfully poignant. 

“Complainers”

The following are true stories.

May 26^th 2003 Aron Ralston was hiking, a boulder fell on his right hand. He waited four days, then amputated his own arm with a pocket knife.

On New Year’s Eve, a woman was bungee jumping in Zimbabwe. The cord broke, she then fell into a river and had to swim back to land in crocodile infested waters with a broken collarbone.

Claire Champlin was smashed in the face by a five pound watermelon being propelled by a slingshot.

Matthew Brobst was hit by a javelin.

David Striegl was punched in the mouth. By a kangaroo.

The most amazing part about these stories is when asked about the experience they all smiled, shrugged, and said “I guess things could have been worse.”

So go ahead.

Tell me that you’re having a bad day.

Tell me about the traffic. Tell me about your boss. Tell me about the job you’ve been trying to quit for the past four years. Tell me the morning is just a town house burning to the ground and the snooze button is a fire extinguisher. Tell me the alarm clock stole the keys to your smile, drove it into 7:00 AM, and the crash totaled your happiness.

Tell me! Tell me!

Tell me, how blessed are we to have tragedies so small it can fit on the tips of our tongues?

You see, when Evan lost his legs he was speechless. When my cousin was assaulted, she didn’t speak for forty-eight hours. When my uncle was murdered, we had to send out a search party to find my father’s voice.

Most people have no idea that tragedy and silence have the exact same address.

When your day is a museum of disappointments hanging from events that were outside of your control, when you find yourself flailing in an ocean of “Why is this happening to me?”, when it feels like your guardian angel put in his two week notice two months ago and just decided not to tell you, when it feels like God is just a babysitter that’s always on the phone, when you get punched in the esophagus by a fistful of life, remember that every year two million people die of dehydration so it doesn’t matter if the glass is half full or half empty, there’s water in the cup.

Drink it that shit and stop complaining.

You see, muscle - muscle is created by repeatedly lifting things that have been designed to weigh us down. So when your shoulders feel heavy, stand up straight, lift your chin – hell, call it exercise. Remember that life is a gym membership with a really complicated cancellation policy. Remember that you will survive. Remember that things could be worse. Remember we are never, ever given anything we can’t handle. When the world crumbles around you, you have to look at the wreckage and then build a new one out of all the pieces that are still here.

Remember, you are still here.

The human heart beats approximately four thousand times per hour.

Each pulse, each throb, each palpitation is a trophy engraved with the words “You are still alive”.

You are still alive.

Act like it.

What's Your Pledge?

Do you ever think about what your life would be like as a movie? Would it be an action film or a drama, a chick-flick or a comedy, or maybe a combination? Which Hollywood star would play your role? I imagine mine would be some sort of slow paced, dark humored film with some random up-beat moments to keep it going.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about those movies that have an inspirational part where the protagonist goes through some sort of harrowing but positive life change while an uplifting, fun-spirited song that makes you want to get up and dance plays in the background. Just like that, by the time the song is over, the changes have been made and a stunning, newly polished character emerges ready to take on life with metaphorical boxing gloves.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot this past week. I wish I could have that scene in my life’s film right now. I wish the harrowing changes in life could be positively made within the short time of a song and that that song could be playing to cheer me on as I painstakingly step over the finish line and cross each challenge off of the list of life’s cruel but necessary lessons, never to look back. How’s that for a run-on sentence depiction?

Recently I feel I’ve made great strides in personal goals. I will shamelessly admit that I have sometimes hummed my own personal inspirational “Rocky theme song” to myself as I’ve pushed through some challenges. But, alas, as human as I am, I do occasionally falter backwards and have to repeat some footsteps forward. Having currently found myself repeating some of those footsteps, I wonder if I will be back here again soon and I end up stressing myself out with thoughts of inadequacy and weakness, eventually succumbing to the disheartening confidence in the inevitability of walking the same path again, shortly. 

Satan knows this about me and jumps at every opportunity to remind me of it. 

One of my current goals is to work on self-image and insecurities. I want to bring back a certain gumption I feel I used to have. But it’s hard, it’s so hard. And dating life (or lack thereof) makes it even more so. Intense, raw feelings of not being good enough, wanted, or even desirable deepen the loneliness. The world has become exceptionally harsh, tremendously unfeeling and consequently unsympathetic. We all feel it and lately I’m feeling it rather powerfully. I keep hitting the “play” button for my inspirational song to pump me up, but there’s only static silence. 

So what do I do? I escape.

I escape by playing mindless Sudoku. I escape by immersing myself into the fictional and drama-filled lives of TV show characters. I escape by happily throwing myself headfirst into my favorites: the fantastical, magical world of a boy with a lightening shaped scar or the passion filled love stories of tenacious women like Elizabeth Bennett or Jane Eyre who end up with the love of their life for a happily-ever-after. 

But this is only for a short time and then I emerge and find myself shocked back to reality like being shaken awake from a pleasant dream. And I hate it. I hate escaping and being forced awake day after day and I don’t want to do it anymore. 

So, this is my pledge: I am going to hum to myself my very own inspirational score, take one painful step at a time, and stare forward with all the focus of mind I can muster until I no longer have to hum the song because it plays within my soul. From this moment forward, I want to make every day be one single second of that inspirational score so when I finally reach the end credits of my short life-movie, I’ll have struggled, clawed, and fought, bruised and dripping with sweat and probably blood, but I’ll have stepped over that final finish line with no intent of ever looking back. 

What's your pledge?

Encounter, Engage, Endure, and Prevail

For a few months I have wanted to begin posting again on this blog but haven't taken the time to sit down and organize my thoughts. It has been years since I last posted and I honestly had forgotten all about this blog. However, in an answer to prayer, the Lord reminded me of its existence and I feel that by posting more regularly, it will assist me in seeing the hand of the Lord in my life and give me strength to push forward into the unknown. I also hope that by posting here and sharing my testimony and growth, I may be an instrument in bringing some measure of hope and faith to you, my friends and readers, not through my knowledge or abilities, but rather through the whisperings of the Spirit. I hope we can discuss and consider together ways in which we can strengthen and lift one another. 

That being said, here are my thoughts that I feel I should share today:

This past week has been rough. The all too familiar towering monsters of Anxiety and Depression have been rearing their heads and roaring their menacing roars a little too loudly and I considerably struggled drowning them out. Thankfully, through much prayer and being diligent in taking time to immerse myself in spiritually strengthening music and word, I made it through and feel more confident on taking on this coming week. 

I am tremendously grateful for the gentle reminders and help from the Lord through His Spirit. This past week I was blessed with moments of comfort. There were times when I remembered certain testimonies I heard from fellow church members, verses from scripture, or parts of my patriarchal blessing. One night, I had a prayer in my heart that was an unspoken question and yet the Lord answered and brought me comfort enough to sleep. On another occasion, a few Sundays ago, I was prompted to take an anxiety pill I carry with me for emergencies but had never before used. I was confused why, but I am so very grateful for that prompting and that I was smart enough to heed it. Because of that additional medicinal assistance, I was able to keep a panic attack at bay and finish out my workday after encountering some upsetting news that triggered PTSD. 

When I look back on my life I can see the workings of the Spirit in encouraging me on and saving me from many types of situations, some which could have resulted in either serious injury or even possibly death. I feel short of words to describe how grateful I am for the companionship of my Savior through the Holy Spirit. 

Regularly dealing with Anxiety, MDD, and PTSD is no picnic, to say the least. Sometimes those feelings associated with them are simply little shadows that walk behind me and I am able to tune out their whisperings. Other times they are dark, heavy, screaming sandbag weights that make breathing a labored chore and moving forward feel impossible. There are many reasons I can be angry that I struggle with these issues, but even so, I am also grateful for them (though some days way less than others). The Lord has made it clear to me these are things that I am meant to endure; they are a part of my life to teach me patience, faith, empathy, and much more, including many things I am sure I have not even thought of yet. 

I mention this because for the past month and a half or so I have been pondering the words "adversity" and "endurance." While these are the more obvious adversities I have to face, I have begun to question: What are the non-obvious adversities I am facing now in my life? What is it that I must endure right now? What have I successfully endured in the past? How do I "endure to the end"? 

I made a list of some synonyms for "endure": brave, encounter, tolerate, go through, experience, permit, be patient with, cope with, suffer, sustain, live through, keep up, live out, allow, withstand, weather, take patiently, persist. 

It may seem silly (and hopefully not sacrilegious), but when trying to think of an analogy combining adversity and endurance, I keep thinking about the scene in Monty Python and The Holy Grail when King Arthur faces the Black Knight. If you are unfamiliar, or maybe just want to watch the hilarious scene, here is the link: 

My rough analogy: Sometimes along our quest of life we come to multiple points in the road where there stands the Black Knight (Lucifer). He stands firm and intimidating and reminds you that he "moves for no man." You launch into fierce battle using every bit of strength and knowledge you have in your arsenal to overcome his advances. Eventually, you feel as if you have "crushed the head of the snake" enough to come off conqueror and have him stand aside for you to pass. Boasting and relentless, he claims "'Tis but a scratch," and continues the fight. You persevere and are victorious. Then, just when you begin to give thanks for your triumph and commence your journey, yet again the Black Knight comes at you with full anger! Kicking you down, calling you names and attempting to remind you of your own nothingness, exclaiming, "I'm invincible!" But you know your infinite worth and heritage and remember that you have The Almighty God on your side. Finally, you prevail and continue on your journey. However, even when cut down and bleeding with his "flesh wounds," Lucifer will never admit his defeat; he will always find a way to encounter you later on down the path, disguising himself as different hardships, misfortunes, adversities, or even as The Keeper of The Bridge of Death, to fight again in hopes to wound you enough to halt your course and draw you into his never-ending misery. Occasionally, during those encounters, when you are cold, beaten, or feel alone due to the loss of friends or loved ones, it would be so easy to give up and give in to the darkness. But you must remember you are a child of infinite worth and stand true and firm in your convictions. Then, by keeping your covenants and holding fast to words of God and the promises made to you, by enduring to the end, you can truly come off conqueror.   

Do those fight scenes seem familiar? We all go through these battles in varying intensities and durations whether by our own hand or as a result of decisions made by another. I have found the world teaches us to find somewhere to lay blame for our adversities, and by so doing we allow ourselves to not confront or properly endure through them in order to allow ourselves to learn and grow as the Lord would have us do. Christ would rather we encounter, engage, endure, and eventually prevail. The good news is we don’t have to do so alone. In fact, our Savior pleads for us to invite him into the battle ring to not only cheers us on, but helps us learn our footing, aim our punches true, and even step in a fight for us when we cannot continue. If we are not doing what is necessary to strengthen our relationship with God and Christ or have the constant companionship of the Holy Spirit in our lives, so many of our battles will leave us totally broken and bruised when we could of come off conqueror.

I know we don't have to face our adversities alone. In my prideful times I have tried it that way, thinking I was strong enough to do so on my own and those hard lessons humble me again. I have come to find that when questioning adversity and endurance, instead of asking, “Am I strong enough for this? Will I make it through?”isn't it better to yell in the face of impending darkness without fear,“I may not be strong enough for this, but Christ is, and he stands with me!”

Thoughts on Thoughts

"Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens."
- J.R.R. Tolkien

I find it interesting how even the happiest of persons can feel depressed over matters that hold little importance in the grand scheme of things. Interesting that the human mind can fret over the smallest of things and turn those miniscule issues into a towering giant of a problem.

I have spent most of today contemplating this (well, the part where I wasn’t sleeping anyway, ….I took a long nap). I consistently find myself going through this cycle, partially because I battle depression and partially because I simply become lazy in directing my thoughts. In my mind, I know that I am being nonsensical, and yet I still continue to act on it. I’ve concluded that this weakness of mine is known by the great devil and he is constantly using it against me. Why wouldn’t he? After all, he is smart and cunning. What is a better way of bringing down one of God’s children than to plant a thought and let it grow on its own? This process is everywhere throughout the world: the need to be rich, have the next best technology, the next best “toy,” the perfect figure; even the American Dream is deceiving. The world is such that planting these thoughts makes it quite easy. In fact, it is done for Lucifer; he doesn’t even have to lift a finger anymore.

In C.S. Lewis’ book, The Screwtape Letters, Screwtape, a devil, writes to his nephew, Wormwood, about how to best win over the mind of men. Here, talking about prosperity Screwtape says, “Prosperity knits a man to the world. He feels that he is “finding his place in it,’ while really it is finding its place in him. His increasing reputation, his widening circle of acquaintances, his sense of self importance, the growing pressure of absorbing and agreeable work, build up in him a sense of really being at home on earth, which is just what we want. You will notice that the young are generally less unwilling to die than the middle-aged and the old.”

Prosperity, while certainly not evil in and of itself, has been the start of steep downhill spirals throughout all of time. It is a re-occurring cycle throughout the scriptures. Whole civilizations that were righteous and close to God, found pride in prosperity and then slowly but quickly fell to Satan’s sword. How do we combat it? How do we shield ourselves? How do we become immune to the enemy’s advances? Well, we don’t. We won’t ever become immune because of our natural tendencies, but we can guard ourselves if we so choose. Our goal should then be to be prosperous in God’s work and to remain humble. We cannot do this alone, but with God all things are possible. With the help of our Father in Heaven and His son, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, we can win. We will win. We just have to make it the thing we want most.

Elder Bruce C. Hafen said, “We can have eternal life if we want it, but only if there is nothing else we want more.” So, we have to examine ourselves, take a deeper look. Is there something else we want more? What are our “little darlings,” those things we hold onto that are keeping us from progressing towards Christ? We all have them, those “little darlings.” They could be anything, TV shows with inappropriate materials, the music we jam out to, movies, practices, words we say, mannerisms, anything that drives away the Holy Spirit of the Lord, desensitizing us and fogging our minds to what is right and what is wrong, causing us to take two steps back instead of one foot forward. After all, if we are not progressing, we are moving backwards; there is no stand still.

Satan will never stop trying, he will never stop fighting to win us over. Again, on this point, C.S. Lewis shared great insight to this through The Screwtape Letters, “For as things are, your man has now discovered the dangerous truth that these attacks don’t last forever; consequently you cannot use again what is, after all, our best weapon — the belief of ignorant humans that there is no hope of getting rid of us except by yielding.” It may seem true, in any circumstance, that the easiest way is to give in rather than fight on and on with no win in sight. But really, giving in makes it that much harder, not easier.

I know I’m kind of all over the place in my thoughts; I apologize if this made little sense to you. I guess my reasoning for discussing this is because I feel myself giving in to those small thoughts, allowing them to grow before my eyes and I don’t want it. I know that even if I fight hard to cut them down, the thoughts may still grow and I may find myself stuck between hedges of weariness, but I am determined to not let it take over my mind and put me in a dark place. I have this quote from Elder John Taylor that reminds me of hope and strength in the face of darkness:

"In relation to events that will yet take place, and the kind of trials, troubles, and sufferings which we shall have to cope with, it is to me a matter of very little moment; these things are in the hands of God, he dictates the affairs for the human family, and directs and controls our affairs; and the great thing that we, as a people, have to do is seek after and cleave unto our God, to be in close affinity with Him, and to seek for His guidance, and His blessing and Holy Spirit to lead and guide us in the right path. Then it matters not what it is nor who it is that we have to contend with, God will give us strength according to our day."

Sheri Dew put if perfectly when she said, “Satan knows exactly what he is doing. But do we? Are we sleeping, or are we creating places of security where we may insulate ourselves from this advances?”

We have to shield ourselves, put up a good fight, no, a great fight. And should we feel weak in the face of battle, God will give us strength. That is a promise. We have just to stretch out our hand toward Him who is mighty to save.

Hope

Hope. A word used too much with too little meaning. We all hope for A’s on our tests, hope to be good friends, hope to accomplish our goals. But do we hope in Christ? Are we actively exercising our hope? And by exercising, I mean truly living in hope. Hope is, after all, both a verb and a noun. It is not only something we act on but also something we must be. The definition of the verb hope is “to look forward to with confidence or expectation, to expect and desire, to have confidence; trust.” The noun definition of hope is “a thing, situation, or event that is desired; a person or thing that gives cause for hope.”

What gives us cause for hope? How do we hope actively? Elder Uchtdorf, second councilor in the first presidency in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints once said,

“Hope is not knowledge, but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise to us. It is confidence that if we live according the God’s laws and the words of His prophets now, we will receive desired blessings in the future. It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance. In the language of the gospel, this hope is sure, unwavering, and active. The Prophets of old speak of a ‘firm’ hope and a ‘lively’ hope. It is a hope glorifying God through good works, with hope comes joy and happiness. With hope, we can have patience, and bear our afflictions.”

When we truly hope, it moves us to change; it affects our very being. With hope, we are sustained during our daily walk in life, we are led to good works, we strengthen our faith, and we keep moving forward even when we feel like taking that next step is impossible. The prophet Nephi said, “Press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: ye shall have eternal life.” Elder Uchtdorf spoke of this proclamation, “This is the quality of hope we must cherish and develop. Such a mature hope comes in and through our Savior Jesus Christ, for ‘every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as [the Savior] is pure.”

If you want to be happy, have hope. As your ability to hope increases, so will your happiness until you are abounding in joy. Speaking from experience, I know that the increase in hope brings joy in the little things in life, joy in the element of surprise in life, joy in determination and persistence, and joy in Christ.

This past week for me was a challenge. I had much to ponder and felt that I had much reason to be depressed. On top of that, I had become ill and still had a lot of homework that had to be done and classes that could not be missed. I wanted to give up. It wasn’t even as hard for me this past week as it has been in other times, not even close, but I still despaired and felt that my heart was too heavy to look up and forward. But even in the darkest hour, there is still cause for hope. I was reminded by a friend to press forward in hope and once I made that decision, it changed my whole perspective and allowed me to end my week on a happy note. Suddenly, my feet were no longer cement blocks, my mind became unclouded, and my purpose clear.

The Article of Faith number thirteen, one of thirteen explanations of believes of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints, states, “…We believe all things, we hope all things, we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.”

If you feel low, or just feel that something is missing, try hope. If you truly try it, you will be amazed at your gladness of heart. :)

For the full of President Uchtdorf’s address on hope, which I HIGHLY recommend, see: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2008/10/the-infinite-power-of-hope?lang=eng&query=hope#22-PD00009501_000_009

CHOOSE not to SNOOZE!

Spiritual “Alarm Clock”

You know those mornings where that blasted alarm goes off and you fumble for the ‘snooze’ button, not just once, but over and over? Or maybe you sleep through the alarm, too tired to hear the shrieking pitch that should sound similar to the scratching of nails across a chalkboard. You just cringed, didn’t you? You should! Alarms are there for awakening, warning, and protection. Their purpose is not to be ignored.

Today in one of my Sunday school classes we talked about being “awakened” by our spiritual alarm clocks and how important it is to never hit the “snooze” button.The following are some of my extended thoughts on the subject.

As stated in my last post, one of Satan’s best tools for winning includes ‘silencing’ the armies of God. There are so many ways he can do this; I won’t attempt to list them. You know what they are, or at least you have an idea. If you take each and every one of those things that just popped into your head, consider each one as a chain that will tether you to Satan. But this isn’t a heavy chain I’m talking about. No, these chains are so light in weight you don’t even realize just how tethered you are until you try to move/change. It is only heavy in the spiritual sense, and even then, it’s a while before you realize what is happening. Our family once had a lesson on this. My dad wrapped one thread of string around our wrists and then told use to break it. It was easy. Then he walked around and wrapped around our wrists the same string over and over and over again. Then, when we tried to break it, even the best effort of strength was not enough; the bands were too strong. It didn’t make sense that such a breakable strand of thread could become so strong. So it is with those seemingly harmless little things Satan wraps around our souls, one link at a time, until we are bound.

In The Book of Mormon, in 2 Nephi, the Prophet Lehi is giving his last words to his children. He admonishes them to awaken and change. In chapter 1 verse 13 it reads, “O that ye would awake; awake from a deep sleep, yea, even from the sleep of hell, and shake off the awful chains by which ye are bound, which are the chains which bind the children of men, that they are carried away captive down to the eternal gulf of misery and woe.”

In Charles Dickens’ story, The Christmas Carol, Scrooge’s old partner’s ghost, Jacob Marley, visits him in the night. During the visit Scrooge observes the chains Marley wears and says, “You are fettered, tell me why?” Marley replies, “I wear the chain I forged in life. I made it link by link, and yard by yard; I girded it on of my own free will, and of my own free will I wore it.”

One of the greatest of God’s gifts is our free will, or free agency. God will never force us to do or believe anything. This is a beautiful gift, one that shows a glimpse of the wondrous mercy of our God, but it goes two ways. How you use your agency will affect your soul eternally. God’s hope is for us to use our agency to choose the path back to His presence, so that we can live with Him again. However, the choices we make may lead us down another path, down the path to eternal misery and endless suffering. Jacob Marley said that the chains he wore were put there of his own free will, and they stayed there of the same effect. Marley’s acknowledgment of wearing the chains of his own free will shows how he had the option of discarding them, and he knew it, but he CHOSE not to. Because He loves us so, God gives us the warnings, the “spiritual alarms” to help guide us back to him, but if you aren’t willing to listen and follow Him, those alarms will ring fainter and fainter until your heart can no longer recognize their sound.

But there is hope! Because of our loving Heavenly Father, we have the opportunity to change. He gave His son to us to help remove those stumbling blocks in our way. Jesus Christ’s atonement for us pays our debt and makes up the difference in what we cannot give. This doesn’t mean we can lay back and let it all happen for us, we have to do our part. We have to have a broken heart and contrite spirit, and go to the Lord in repentance. Only through the atonement can those heavy chains be broken and we can become weightless again. How beautiful that promise!

Returning to Lehi’s words unto his children, he gives counsel on how to “shake off the awful chains.” He says, “…arise from the dust, my sons, and be men, and be determined in one mind and in one heart, united in all things, that ye may not come down into captivity (2 Nephi 1:21). . . Awake, my sons; put on the armor of righteousness. Shake off the chains with which ye are bound, and come forth out of obscurity, and arise from the dust (2 Nephi 1:23).”

*For the list of the armor of righteousness, see Ephesians 6:1-18.

There is never a time too late to change. God will never abandon us. If we feel far from our maker, it is because we have strayed, no Him. Christ is our constant Sheppard, and if we allow Him to be, our constant friend in whom we can confide in on the good days and the bad and on whom we can lean when we are weak.

President Gordon B. Hinckley once stated, “…We are engaged in a great eternal struggle that concerns the very souls of the sons and daughters of God. We are not losing. We are winning. We will continue to win if we will be faithful and true. We can do it. We must do it. We will do it.”

It is a long road, but it can be a happy one if we make it so. President Hinckley’s wife, Marjorie Hinckley said, “You do not find the happy life, you make it.”

If you become discouraged, there is always help along the way. In closing I will share my current favourite quote by Elder Jeffery R. Holland:

“Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come ‘til heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come."

If you hear your spiritual alarm clock sounding, listen to it. It will change your life.

I've Enlisted, Have You?

“Hark! The sound of battle sounding loudly and clear;

Come join the ranks! Come join the ranks!”

(We Are All Enlisted, LDS Hymn #250)

For this week’s entry, I thought I’d start off with referring to Elder Jeffery R. Holland’s moving General Conference Address from this last October entitled, “We Are All Enlisted.” This address was part of my inspiration for this blog. Let me tell you why!

First off, I just LOVE Elder Holland’s addresses because of his frankness. He has no issue in telling it like it is. In this particular address, Elder Holland talks of how hard Satan will ALWAYS try to fault the moving forth of God’s plan. He said the following:

“Number one, Satan, or Lucifer, or the father of lies—call him what you will—is real, the very personification of evil. His motives are in every case malicious, and he convulses at the appearance of redeeming light, at the very thought of truth. Number two, he is eternally opposed to the love of God, the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and the work of peace and salvation. He will fight against these whenever and wherever he can. He knows he will be defeated and cast out in the end, but he is determined to take down with him as many others as he possibly can... his effort to stop the work will be reasonably well served if he can just bind the tongue of the faithful. Brethren, if that is the case, I am looking tonight for men young and old who care enough about this battle between good and evil to sign on and speak up. We are at war, and for these next few minutes, I want to be a one-man recruiting station.”

(For the full talk, here is the link: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/we-are-all-enlisted?lang=eng ).

So, in my effort to “unbind my tongue,” I am writing this blog. I’m not a scholar, and I certainly don’t profess to be highly knowledgeable of any gospel topic, but I am a member of the “ranks,” so to speak, and I do have a testimony. This is part of my fight. So, here we go!

This week for my Doctrine and Covenants class, part of our assignment was to study out the meaning of “worship,” both the “how” and the “who.” I started the assignment thinking that I knew pretty well what worshiping entailed, but it turned out I was quite enlightened. Worship to many is a single thing done only on Sundays during sacrament or communion. However, worship is much more than that. Worship embodies our praises to God, how we live our lives, our willingness to give up our will to God in order to follow His, and how we represent Christ’s name (just to name a few). If we are not doing everything in our power to come to know Christ and His gospel, always moving closer to Him, always repenting and becoming that much better, “grace by grace” as it were, than we are not truly worshiping. It is not like I haven’t known this, but with most gospel studies, when I learn a principle it brings to my realization what I may have already known but needed to be reminded of. What I really love is this quote by Elder Bruce R. McConkie. It is pretty lengthy, so bear with me. But I assure you it’s worth reading:

“To worship the Lord is to follow after him, to seek his face, to believe his doctrine, and to think his thoughts. Its is to walk in his paths, to be baptized as Christ was, to preach that gospel of the kingdom which feel from his lips, and to heal the sick and raise the dead as he did. To worship the Lord is to put first in our lives the things of his kingdom, to live by every word that proceedeth forth from the mouth of God, to center our whole hearts upon Christ and that salvation which comes because of him. It is to walk in the light as he is in the light, to do the things that he wants done, to do what he would do under similar circumstances, to be as he is. To worship the Lord is to walk in the Spirit, to rise above carnal things, to bridle our passions, and to overcome the world. It is to pay our tithes and offerings, to act as wise stewards in caring for those things which have been entrusted to our care, and to use our talents and means for the spreading of truth and the building up of his kingdom. To worship the Lord is to be married in the temple, to have children, to teach them the gospel, and to bring them up in light and truth. It is to perfect the family unit, to honor our father and our mother; it is for a man to love his wife with all his heart and to cleave unto her and none else. To worship the Lord is to visit the fatherless and the widows in their affliction and to keep ourselves unspotted from the world. It is to work on a welfare project, to administer to the sick, to go on a mission, to go home teaching, and to hold family home evening. To worship the Lord is to study the gospel, to treasure up light and truth, to ponder in our hearts the things of his kingdom, and to make them part of our lives. It is to pray with all the energy of our souls, to preach by the power of the Spirit, to sings songs of praise and thanksgiving. To worship is to work, to be actively engaged in a good cause, to be about our Father’s business, to love and serve our fellowman. It is to feed the hungry, to clothe the naked, to comfort those that mourn, and to hold up the hands that hang down and to strengthen the feeble knees. To worship the lord is to stand valiantly in the cause of truth and righteousness, to let our influence for good be felt in civic, cultural, educational, and governmental fields, and to support those laws and principles which further the Lord’s interest on earth. To worship the Lord is to be of good cheer, to be courageous, to be valiant, to have the courage of our God-given convictions, and to keep the faith. It is ten thousand times ten thousand things. It is keeping the commandments of God. It is living the whole law of the whole gospel.”

(For the full talk here is the link: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/1971/10/how-to-worship?lang=eng ).

Phew! Did you make it through? :) As I read through that quote, I realized where I’m lacking in my worship. It certainly is a good way to learn. What better way to counter Satan’s efforts to take away light and truth than by building our homes in a worship/Christ centered way?

That’s all folks. I hope you learned a bit about worship like I did. Let me know what your thoughts are. I love you all! ‘Til next week :)